#now im crying while writing this
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#screw Tiktok#that shit makes me cry#there was a picture of some kids standing as a group and there was a kid standing far from the group#allegedly he was bullied and he felt left out#and unfortunately#he did something he shouldnât have#i cried so much while watching the picture#cause thats how i felt back in hs#it was a different type of loneliness and sadness that i experienced#i felt so alone and so unloved#but i overcame that and alhumdulillah im surrounded by people who truly love me and make me a better me#i keep thinking about people who donât overcome that feeling#people who are left alone#no one absolutely no one deserves to feel unloved#to the point where you feel you shouldnt exist#now im crying while writing this#ill make sure my future kids never feel this type of way#ever#i dont ever want them to doubt the love Iâll have for them
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was listening to music while driving, as one does, when my brain, the silly little thing goes:
wouldnât it be funny if dick grayson killed the joker (who stays dead because he deserves to be) for killing jason and goes through a whole breakdown over whether or not jason would approve of what he did, ultimately deciding that no, jason the happy robin would not be happy with his big brother, no matter how strained their relationship may have been before his death, killing a man out of revenge
cue jason as red hood, pre identify reveal, asking nightwing about what happened to the joker (because of course bruce had it covered up, because in his twisted little mind, a vigilante permanently taking out the mass murderer who is singlehandedly the number one cause of death in gotham would break the gothamitesâ trust in them). nightwing admits, because since the joker is dead jason doesnât have a reason to push the dramatics as much, heâs just fucking with the bats and keeping crime alley safe, and jason has his turn at a breakdown because he just found out someone actually avenged him
emotional reunion. everyone is happy. the end.
#yes it was If I Killed Someone For You by alec benjamin that brought this on#yes i almost made myself cry while i was DRIVING#yes i know itâs unsafe. no my brain doesnât know that. obviously.#dc fanfiction#dc fanfic prompt#nightwing#dick grayson#jason todd#red hood#the joker dies. fuck him.#i should write that. try my hand at a little angst#but for now it will exist as this silly little prompt and make people suffer on tumblr#both from the story and from the fact that it doesnât (as far as im aware) exist in fic format#fanfic prompt#music makes my brain go brrr#overactive imagination#its a problem at this point#but lets ignore that
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Kintsugi
Y/N and Wade have been married for several years now, and Wade is feeling extra sappy when Y/N announces she's pregnant for the second time with a second little girl. Wade reminisces on how Y/N, a former scientist, was able to save Wade all those years ago from the biggest threat he ever had: himself.
Warning: Lewd language and talk about sex and pregnancy. Reader discretion is advised (this is a Deadpool x Reader...obviously this rating is Mature at minimum...)
The scientist eventually got dressed and went downstairs to search for some food, a little anxious about how she was supposed to tell Ellie about the fact she wasn't going to be an only child anymore. Wade and Y/N's daughter, Ellie, had just turned nine years old and the couple had decided now was a good a time as any to add a new face to the family.
Wade followed her downstairs, his bare feet padding against the floor. "Hey, peanut? You okay?" he asked, noticing her tension. He leaned against the counter, watching as she rummaged through the fridge. "You're thinking about how to break it to Ellie, aren't you?"
"I am, yeah." She nodded pensively, reaching into the fridge and grabbing the whipped cream. She squirted some into her mouth and sighed, then turned back to look for something else in the fridge.
Wade chuckled and shook his head.
"You're really going to use whipped cream as a coping mechanism, huh?"
He pushed off the counter and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind.
"Hey, maybe I can help you come up with a plan. You know, we are married for a reason. Or is that lil ring on that finger worthless now?" Wade joked, holding up his own hand to show his wedding band. It gleamed in the soft sunlight, making Y/N relax slightly upon seeing it.
"You're right, Wade. I'm sorry. I just...I dunno...what if she gets mad? Is all...'waah, you guys are totally ruining my life!' Or something..." The woman found some stuff to make a ham sandwich and grabbed it, setting down the whipped cream in the process. She shut the fridge door with her hip and walked over to the kitchen counter to start assembling her lunch.
Wade's arms tightened around her waist as he leaned in close, his voice taking on a soothing tone.
"Ahahahaha, peanut, you're thinking about this all wrong. Ellie loves us both, and she'll adjust to the new addition just fine. And if she doesn't...well, we'll deal with that when the time comes." He nuzzled her ear. "Besides, I've got a plan. We can make it fun! We can have a family meeting and explain everything together." Wade offered, which made Y/N relax slightly.
"How soon should we do this? We have no idea if it worked today. For all we know, we might have to keep trying to get me pregnant. After all...they taught us in high school that getting pregnant a second time was so much harder than the first time, Wade..." she rambled nervously. Wade gave her a lopsided grin, finding her as adorable as the day they first met.
Wade's grip on her waist relaxed, and he let out a deep sigh. "Yeah, yeah, I know all about the stats and stuff. But we're not gonna worry about that right now. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." He pulled back and looked at her with a serious expression. "Let's just focus on enjoying this moment for now. We've got our little bundle of kickass growing inside you, and we should be celebrating that! The second addition to the Deadpool family! Hot damn, I'm like Bruce Wayne collecting kids here!" He joked.
"But we don't actually know yet...we only just tried less than an hour ago...what if it didn't take?" She frowned, finally finding making a sandwich. She offered it to him, opting to make another one for just herself if he accepted the lunch. Wade graciously took the sandwich and watched as she grabbed him a plate from the cabinet behind her, giving her a silent 'thank you'. She smiled, then sighed as reality crashed back down onto her.
Wade's face lit up with a mischievous grin as he bit into the sandwich, groaning happily at how good it tasted.
"Ahahahaha, peanut, you're so worried about it not taking that I think we need to celebrate either way," His blue eyes sparkles with amusement as he continued. "Win or lose, we're having fun today. And if it didn't take...well, we'll just have to try again soon, won't we?~"
"I guess you're right. It not working just means more sex for the both of us, huh?" she smiled slightly, working on making her own sandwich quietly. Y/N giggled at how Wade hopped up and down excitedly, his sandwich gripped tightly in his hands.
Wade's eyes lit up with excitement as he nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, hell yeah! More sex is always a good thing in my book. And who knows, maybe we'll get lucky and it'll take on the second try," He chuckled to himself, taking another bite of his sandwich. "But even if not, I'm happy to keep trying...for science."
"Hmm, I think you just miss me and all the hot, raunchy sex we used to have before we became parents, don't you?~" Y/N giggled. "We both became so busy what with you being a dad and becoming more of an anti-hero and me switching jobs to stay at home with El."
Wade's face turned bright red as he coughed, trying to play it cool. "What? No way, peanut! I just...I mean, yeah, okay fine. You're right. Being parents is awesome and all that jazz, but let's be real...we used to have some crazy hot times in the bedroom," He winked at her mischievously. "And I'm not saying we can't get back to those times now that Ellie's getting older."
"So you dig the mom bod?" she asked self-consciously. Wade nodded eagerly.
"Uh, a doy, my little MILF. Of course I dig the mom bod, sugar tits. You always looked bangin' but the way you got all curved up makes me hard as a rock God DAYUM." He flirted, spanking her ass playfully. Y/N yelped, her face turning bright red in response.
"Wade, knock it off..." she laughed, clearly flustered.
"Why should I, pookie bear? I'm just giving you some good ole fashioned Wade Wilson luvins! I wanna make my dear wifey feel better, and what better way than doing what I do best? Being a vulgar and annoying asshole to her?" Wade grinned, the smile almost reminiscent of the Cheshire Cat from Alice In Wonderland. Y/N rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile.
"There's that smile, firecracker! I love having such a sexy wife all to myself! Not once have I wanted anyone else as soon as you strutted your way into my life, pretty girl." Wade flirted, lightly spanking his wife's ass again and howling obnoxiously like a wolf. Her eyes sparkled with amusement as she playfully tried to swat at Wade's hand, but he was too quick and continued to tease her. She let out a little squeal of delight as he spanked her ass, feeling a rush of excitement course through her veins.
"Oh, stop it! You're making me blush!" She laughed, trying to maintain a stern expression while secretly enjoying all the attention.
"Nuh uh, no. I vowed to make you feel good today, and that means I gotta get those feels back up to the good status." He whispered, moving behind her and cupping both her breasts. He softly massaged both, feeling her melt slightly against his warm hands.
"That's it, baby. Let me take care of you today. I wanna make today all about you. You've done so much for our family and have always been there for me, even when I was a blabbermouth of a Merc. Yet you always seemed to see the good in me. You remember that talk we had all those years ago? About the kintsugi thing?" He asked, his voice turning to a low rumble as he continued to massage her breasts. She sighed and leaned her back against his chest, relaxing even more as they stood together in the middle of the kitchen. The sunshine illuminated her hair, making it even more shiny as it framed her face just right.
"Yeah, I think so. Something about us fixing each other like the kintsugi concept, yeah?" Y/N asked tentatively. Wade nodded, kissing her neck softly.
"You're a damn good scientist, baby. Never let that go, okay? You always talk big shit about me being an anti-hero now...but you're really the one who deserves more praise. You saved my life. If it wasn't for you, I'd still probably be semi-homeless, addicted to drugs and addicted to meaningless relationships as a merc. You saw someone so genuinely fucked up and decided...'I want that one'. And dammit, I can't lie, your stubbornness really came in handy this time." Wade chuckled softly, a warm smile on his lips. "Plus, that serum you made all those years ago gave me my looks back. Now our daughter has a normal looking dad and never has to know what I looked like before. And yeah, you didn't mind when I was all mutated and cancery, but I did, peanut...I did...cause why would such a goddess like you want anything to do with some freak like me...?" He hid his face against her back. Dammit, he hated being vulnerable, but he knew Y/N needed to know the truth. Over the years he had become a lot more sappy thanks to her.
Her eyes welled up with tears as she felt Wade's words wash over her. She wanted to hold him close, but he continued to hide his face against her back.
"Wade, stop it," She whispered, trying to keep her voice steady. "You're being ridiculous...I loved you then and I love you now. You were never a freak to me...you were always my broken thing of beauty." She smiled softly, feeling a lump form in her throat.
"Oh come on...let's face the music, Y/N. I don't think life would be as good or even as easy if I didn't look like my old self again...you really gave me a whole-ass second chance, babe. You brought me back to life and screamed in my face 'YOU MATTER' until eventually you got me believing it, too. That's damn impressive if you ask me. You...managed to fix the Merc With A Mouth." Wade moved to stand in front of her and cupped both her cheeks with his hands, causing her to look up at him and set down her sandwich on the counter.
Y/N's eyes sparkled with tears as she looked up at Wade, her voice barely above a whisper.* "You're making me cry again, dammit," She whispered, her voice trembling with emotion.
"But you know what? I don't care. Because when I look at you...I see the man I fell in love with. The one who was broken and lost, but still had so much heart. And that's what I fixed...not just your face." She smiled softly, wiping away a tear from the corner of her eye.
"How the hell did a devil like me get an angel like you, sweet stuff?" Wade laughed, voice heavy with emotion. Damn, now HE wanted to cry a little. Fuck, being a husband and father had made him go soft. Whatever, it's not like he needed to be overly cocky at the moment, anyways.
"You're no devil. You just needed someone to talk to. Someone to actually listen to the shit you were saying. I don't think anyone did before, did they?" Y/N asked softly, and Wade nodded.
"When you're a merc like I was, talk was kinda cheap in the grand scheme of things, ya know? But well, surprisingly I'm happy I decided to become less of a mercenary and more of an anti-hero. Maybe the Avengers will finally take me on, yeah?" His blue eyes shined with hope as he looked at her. She smiled warmly at him and reached up to ruffle his fluffy brown hair.
"Wade, they would be lucky to have a guy like you on their team." Y/N said.
The couple embraced, swaying slowly in the middle of the kitchen. They were happy, and that's all that really mattered in the end.
#deadpool fluff#deadpool fanfiction#deadpool x y/n#deadpool x reader#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#wade wilson x reader#wade wilson#meow sobbing#this one honestly made me cry while writing it guys#i am being so serious right now#please enjoy because im real proud of this one
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stars finally aligned for me to watch castlevania: nocturne and oh, i like it so much more than i expected to. i was dragging my feet because i gotta be in the correct Mood for dark and violent shows and i'm not familiar with the games and don't know any of the characters etc etc etc.
anyway. i don't usually have a lot of interest in vampires as monster in and of itself, the whole blood sucking thing just holds no interest to me - the one aspect i DO find very interesting is vampires as immortal former humans. what i like about the castlevania cartoons is that they have vampires from many different eras and cultures, which is Exactly what i want from vampire stories, so i'm sold. what i like about nocturne specifically is that they have made the allegory explicit - vampires as the oppressor class, nobility and slave owners, and set the series during the french revolution. that's so tasty. that's so good. placing a vampire slaying series in a historical context, and a world where vampires are Known entities and not secret monsters is so delightful. i am so glad i'm finally watching this
#i also like the characters a lot!!!!!!#i still haven't finished the season i just need to shout into the void#taking a much needed cartoon watching weekend instead of crying over my laptop trying to write my thesis#i think the first castlevania series did this stuff too. it's been a while since i saw it. i just love that it's leaning so hard into it#as i said im not familiar with the games so i don't know how much is changed in the adaptatiok#but judging from the ethnicities of the videogame counter parts i assume Some Have Been Made#addendum: finished the season. kicking my feets with excitement#gonna rewatch the 2017 cartoon now. and oh wow that's Much gorier than nocturne#nocturne was very chill to watch in comparison
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I came out of my exam thinking I bombed it (prof assigned the points in a weird way), but !!! I got an A!!! Not only that, this is my first A on a nursing exam in this whole program. Like. Holy shit? I have been studying so hard all month, this was our critical care midterm, aka the second hardest exam in the program, and!!! I crushed it!!!
#cookie speaks#im so excited i could cry#ive been killing myself to study for this#while also having almost 50 hours of class/clinical every week#i stg ive been living off coffee by the liter all month#and it finally paid off#now i can relax a little bit and do some writing
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throws up that was such an amazing finale quest and i think it might be my favourite one
#just genshin <3#HELLO THE WHOLE OF FONTAINE QUESTLINE HAS BEEN PHENOMENAL?????#but also all the cutscenes and lore and dialogue and EMOTIONS in this quest were just#MWAH ! CHEFS KISS FR#ohhh i have so many thoughts.... AND I NOW HAVE AN INCENTIVE TO WRITE THAT NEUVILLETTE X APPRENTICE!READER FIC I TALKED ABT A WHILE AGO#AAAAAAAAAAA MY BRAIN HAS BEEN BRAINING AND PREDICTING LORE IM SO SMART /lh#now i will cry in a corner bc furina.... daughter furina i hope ur happy and well ;w;;#welp. now im gonna do her story quest ehehe#AND NEXT IS NATLAN#oooo the info abt natlan we were given.... AND THE HARBINGER WE WILL MEET THERE AAAA IM SO EXCITED
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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and â¤ď¸ Unfortunately â¤ď¸ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#âoh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^â#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same ânot good enoughâ allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that âomg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-â does the âuhm. just write? lol.â 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*âĄsfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
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I was just listening to some sad music while thinking about q!bbh and⌠the eggs changed him. They saved him in a sense. All of them.
When Bad first arrived at the island he was aimless and much like Foolish, looking for the next subject of entertainment. He was only out for himself and couldnât be bothered to lend a helping hand to anyone.
Then he was given a little egg with a top hat and everything changed. He had someone vulnerable to look out for, to provide for, and suddenly he was given purpose. All of these little eggs were precious beyond words and everything was perfect until it wasnât.
Charlie tried to murder Dapper right in front of Bad. That was the first time Bad felt fear in a long long time then a deep sadness settled in when he learned Juanaflippa had died and thatâs what sent Slime on his rampage and everything suddenly felt so much more real. The illusion of perfection broke and Bad realized, truly realized, just what Dapper meant to him.
Juanaflippa was brought back but then a hat trick of tragedy strikes and Bad is forever changed. Bad has a chance to walk Tilin home but she chooses to go with Slime who accidentally kills her. Juanaflippa chooses to stay with Mariana and he accidentally kills her - again. And Trump dies of neglect alone in an empty house. (Cc!Bad mentioned on stream a while back that the admins had asked him if he could do Trumpâs tasks but Bad didnât realize how dire the situation was- he blames himself)
Within the span of 24 hours, three eggs died and Bad could have saved each of them. This is when everything changes for Badâs character. This is where Bad vows that no egg was ever going to die of neglect again. This is when Bad started grinding to become the richest person on the server and ensured that all the eggs had maxed out armor at all times. These eggs dying the way they did is what created the Badboyhalo we knew.
Bad created the warp plate system in the sky so heâd be able to reach just about anywhere near spawn to save an egg if they went down. He is the one who discovered the true utility of warp stones and spread that information across the server. He is the one who informed everyone of the autoeat and XP pump functions of the backpack and set up all the eggs with infinite XP so their armor would never break.
He was so incredibly damaged by these eggs dying that he turned all his hyper vigilance towards protecting the remaining eggs even if he barely knew the parents or the eggs themselves. He would never say no to someone asking for help ever again.
Bad went from selfish and out for himself to the most selfless person on the server. He was a demon seeking entertainment in the wake of eternity and transformed into a servant of the people who gave his life again and again for others without question.
Getting Dapper primed Bad for change. Dapper was the crack in the stone that allowed the walls within him to shatter when Juanaflippa, Tilin, and Trump died. Ever since that tragic day, all of the eggs became part of Badâs family.⌠and now they are gone.
Dapper and their siblings brought out the best of Bad. They saved him from a cycle of chaotic indifference. And now heâs alone again. Everything heâs done to protect them has been for nothing. Everything heâs changed, the steps he took towards healing millennia old traumas⌠all of that was for not.
Some wounds cut too deep to heal. Even with all the progress Bad made, he still valued his entire self worth on how useful he was to others, on protecting the eggs. Every time something happened to the kids, he took it as a personal failure. When Bobby died, he blamed himself for not going with them on the adventure. Now they are gone gone. They fled. They are somewhere Bad canât follow. He failed them. He had one job and he failed.
It doesnât matter what happens to him now. Getting them back is all that matters. Badâs world has lost all vibrancy and heâs physically fading away. He doesnât notice because he canât let himself. It doesnât matter. All that matters is getting them back. But even if he does⌠itâs already too late. He failed. He couldnât protect them. He failed.
When the eggs come back changed (hatched?) all he will see is his failure. If he lives long enough to see his babies return, will they give him the strength to come back from this? Or will their presence give him the reassurance that⌠itâs okay. He doesnât need to fight anymore. They are safe now. He can let go. One last goodbye.
Fuck man. Iâve been here since the beginning. Since the second day Bad had Dapper. Iâve watched almost every single stream since. Iâve watched Bad change in real time. Iâve watched Dapper and the other eggs change him. I stayed up until 3 am watching Bad bargain with god to save his son from an unfair death. Iâve watched Bad chase desperately across the map only to arrive moments too late to find Ramonâs corpse. Iâve watched him sit silently weeping while waiting for Jaiden and Roier to say their last goodbyes. I still remember his screams for Dapper when they were killed by pillagers. I remember them stranded in the snow tens of thousands of blocks from safety with no items no food Dapper couldnât even speak. Terrified that it could end then and there.
The fact that this whole journey has lead us here. Bad is literally dying because he failed them. He failed them in a hundred different ways but this was the big one. This failure broke him. If Bad does end up dying dying at the end of this arc⌠that would both be the most narratively satisfying yet heart breaking thing that could possibly happen. The eggs saved him in a million different ways. It makes sense that they would also be the death of him.
Badâs a demon and a grim reaper so I doubt heâd stay dead but I could see Dapper and friends going on a quest to bring him back from where ever demons/grim reapers go when they die. Maybe heâll finally get some closure from the tragedies heâs left in his wake all throughout history. Maybe heâll get a chance to truly start over with a clean slate.
Fuck now Iâm thinking about Dapper having ti live through their dad sacrificing himself for them and their siblings. We know Dapper was borderline suicidal before being taken so just⌠Dapper seeing themself in Bad too late and not being able to save him. Killing himself for the greater good. Dapper refusing to accept that Bad is gone and spending every waking minute researching how to bring him back by any means necessary but knowing Bad would want them to move on, to live, to live, to live.
I have no idea where Badâs character is going. I have no idea if heâs gonna go full villain and burn the server to destroy the federation. I have no idea if heâs gonna sacrifice himself and die trying to get the eggs back. I have no idea if his grief is literally killing him and heâs acting so desperate with the knowledge that heâs on borrowed time. All I know is cc!Bad is gonna take us on one hell of a ride and I canât wait to see what happens next.
#qsmp#crimson speaks#badboyhalo#tw suicide mention#I had to take a break while writing this#bad was giving off huge death flags today#so I was kinda just thinking about everything#bbhâs arc has been so tragic from the start#but just looking at it at face value u wouldnât notice#the eggs have changed everyone#but I think theyâve had the greatest impact on bbh#at least we were able to see the evolution of his character fully#we knew who he was without the eggs so we got the contrast#q!bad is gonna be the death of me one day#I literally had to stop writing this cuz I was crying#but im fine now XD#enjoy the angst with me
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I think Fuuta should cry. It's good for the soul.
I love how getting asks from you is like
I don't quite know if this was good for his soul, but it certainly was for mine đ
A bit of a hurt-no-comfort piece, sorry, but I enjoyed a character study of his thoughts immediately after his crime. He has a very particular mix of guilt and denial, and I tried to picture how that may play out in this moment...
Fuuta was sure his life was over the very same moment that he discovered hers was.
His heart seemed to stop entirely when he read her name on the dim little screen. His breathing became shallow and sporadic. His body went cold. Though under the blanket, his arms shivered uncontrollably. The rest of him was just as paralyzed.Â
It was more than just the physical things. This life that heâd led to this point, it was over. Heâd never be able to move on from this. Would he ever manage to sleep another night? All his friends knew; they wouldnât be his friends any longer. He was surprised no one had messaged him yet. His father could forget any dreams of his son following in his footsteps. Any normal job was out of the question, now. The minute anyone found out, theyâd treat him differently. Theyâd treat him like a â he could hardly even think the word âkiller.â
A sob broke through his gritted teeth.Â
Thatâs what heâd be classified as, wouldnât he? That girl was dead because of him.Â
She was dead. Because of him.Â
Fuuta was still wrapping his mind around reality. A whole person, a whole life, a whole future, gone because of him.Â
His breath came out wheezy, hiccups shaking his form. He curled himself as small as he could shrink, his hands tearing at his hair.
The girlâs face flashed in his mind. The only pictures heâd seen of her featured bright smiles. He used to find it infuriating â thinking it was all a part of her fake persona, her mockery of justice. Now, the thought of those happy pictures crushed him. She was just a kid. What kind of monster killed a kid?
Fuuta pressed his knuckles to his lips, smothering his cries. The dorms were loud enough tonight, but he couldnât risk anyone hearing. A story like this could never get out. After all, what were the laws around this stuff? What if he went to prison? He was of age â which areas still used the death penalty?Â
No.
He had to collect himself. He hadnât done anything illegal. He was just overreacting, blubbering like an idiot. That was one thing his father was always right about, at least. Fuuta beat his fists against his head. There was no premeditation. No planning, no ill intent. Heâd only just found out she died. Thatâs why none of his friends had messaged him yet. It wasnât because of them. It was just some other crazy person online.Â
His chest shuddered with an uneven breath. Even if there were no legal consequences, heâd need to get a grip and take some precautions. He ran his palms down his cheeks, wiping away the mess of tears.Â
Heâd clear out all traces of himself on the internet, delete all those posts that led back to him. Heâd smash his phone, call it an accident. Change his number. He didnât know what heâd do about his friends. He wanted to call them and tell them to delete everything as well. He wanted to scream viciously at them for convincing him to do all this. He wanted to beg them to say everything was going to be okay.
He shut off the phone, fumbling around with the touchscreen several times before he hit the right thing. He couldnât call anyone. He was on his own now. And that was alright. Whatever happened to that girl, he⌠That girlâŚ
He commanded himself to rise and begin.Â
It proved unsuccessful. Fuuta remained frozen for another few minutes. The harder he willed himself to stop, the harder he cried. He pressed his palm over his mouth and nose, in an attempt to prevent any sound from escaping, and keep his emotions quiet for the first time in his life.
#milgram#fuuta kajiyama#its a bit of a downer but i am posting a more hopeful counterpart with this to hopefully make up for it lol#it took forever of arranging/rearranging his train of thought and im happy with how that flows now#but i still always find it a challenge to write crying so i hope this came out alright#i tried to envision those specific cry-breaths arthur lounsbery did in baptism of fire but didnt know how to articulate that sound other#than 'he cried'... so just picture that along with me đ#my guy who is very emotional and sensitive and would feel (rightfully) responsible#while also living life crushed under gender expectations from his father - friends - and himself#it would not mix well#đ#drabbles
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a little update about how far i got into malevolent and the thoughts ive had so far
spoilers for parts 1-5
here is a man, who wakes up not being able to see and he starts hearing a voice in his head. he wakes up in an office he discovers is his with his partner's dead body in the middle.
and he questions it so little. the thought of not having his own eyes and having a voice in his head and having just killed his partner normalizes so easily for him
istg the first ep i was just :o the whole time
second part so far has been the loudest. there was thunder and yelling and gunshots and it scared me. the podcast started out relatively quietly for my phone (and my headphones suck) so i had to listen to it on speaker. the room i work in is loud so it had to be pretty loud... i had my dog w me. we were both scared of the gunshots and thunder lmao
but yet again it was cool. the world design seems so cool and im eager to keep listening.
he finds a baby in the forest.
thats it. a baby. in the woods. no questions.
he finds a car by the side of the road, sees blood and track marks and FOLLOWS THEM. he finds a campsite with 2 women (one is dead) and a baby and he and john doe think "oh yeah. we have to save the baby." thats it. only baby.
and then she starts laughing. and chasing.
and just... only thoughts are baby.
the wraith things were so cool. i love ghosts and spirits and folklore about such things so the mansion ep was just super cool.
the gasmask man (im bad w names dont mind me) intrigued me. the way john would speak and the man would just scream shut up so the question "does the gas mask man hear john" rise up only for him to shut that idea down. and the comment about the mother. that callback minutes later was comedy gold istg.
im about half way into ep 5 too and the whole starting bit was creepy and cool and set up so well. the voice change from a calm helpful tone to a "TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW ARTHUR" was 10/10
#time to go back to work now#and listen to more malevolent#im so curious about things#also the fact that arthur gets john to tell him how things look and john just absolutely goes to town with descriptions#that man could write a novel and i'd read it in a heart beat#im still scared to finish tma btw cause im so certain im gonna cry about it#and id rather not cry while working lmao#anyway i go now. more updates soon? idk#bee's podcast tag#new bee tag just dropped lmao#malevolent#arthur lester#john doe malevolent
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A long list of Clone Wars headcanons just cause
Sometimes Ahsoka will get the zoomies and how she handles that energy is roughhousing with Anakin who's more than willing to participateÂ
It becomes a show for the 501 because seeing the small togruta tackle the lanky ass nightmare that is Anakin Skywalker to the floor is hilariousÂ
They are both guilty of not knowing their strength so some people (cough cough Obi-Wan cough cough) caution them against it they donât really listen tho which has resulted in some pretty hilarious injuriesÂ
One of those injuries happened when they were playing around and Ahsoka shouldered Anakin so abruptly that he fell back on him tailbone and got the wind knocked out of him she sat by his side laughing her ass off
It took her an unreasonable amount of time to realize he was in pain and when she did she started apologizing like crazy she still gets embarrassed when people bring it up and still apologizes years later
There was another time when Ahsoka turned her back to Anakin when they were roughhousing and he pushed her so hard that she almost fell off of the landing platform they were standing on
He snatched her up by the stomach while muttering âIâm so sorryâ and then he started frantically checking to make sure he didnât seriously hurt her while Ahsoka laughed so hard she swears to this day that she pulled somethingÂ
Unfortunately when the laughter stopped she did realize she managed to sprain her wrist and when Anakin found he helped her wrap it
Youâd think that theyâd learn from these incidents but nope they still play fight like two big dogsÂ
Even tho Anakin and Ahsokaâs place is pretty clean itâs never really quiet thereâs always gotta be some kinda noiseÂ
Sometimes itâs Ahsokaâs music playing loudly in her room, sometimes itâs a holomovie in the living room, and sometimes itâs just them bickering in the kitchen
It doesnât matter what it is itâs never truly quiet even at night thereâs a small amount of noise from Anakinâs snoring (which he denies) and Ahsokaâs purring thing (which she also denies)Â
As crazy as it sounds the people closest to them will admit that their noise is strangely comforting Â
Anakin and Ahsoka are so freaking similar that it turns heads sometimes theyâll say something the other said but theyâve never heard like âThis is where the fun beginsâÂ
Itâs stopped Obi-Wan in his tracks before it kinda freaks him out and worries him a little bit but it also puts a small smile on his face when the duo says the same thing at the same time
Theyâre also able to predict how the other will react once Ahsoka was teaching the clones tricks with her saber and they broke it they felt terrible but they were also terrified about Anakinâs reactionÂ
Ahsoka was the only calm one in the room and explained to the group that Anakin would pretend to be pissed for about an hour but then heâd âcalm downâ and ask for the parted to fix it and by that time rolled around sheâd already have his favorite holo prepped and food from Dexâs
They listened to her with a healthy amount of skepticism and were happily surprised to find out the next day that she was right Â
There was another time when Anakin and Obi-Wan decided to buy Ahsoka her favorite boba to soften the blow that she wasnât gonna go on a mission Anakin told Obi-Wan that sheâd be happy for a minute before asking what happened and he was rightÂ
When Ahsoka got closer to Anakin the clones and everyone else she showed her secret passion for acting like she doesnât know them in public when they piss her off
It worked a couple of times and one of those times Rex almost got arrested because the officer didnât believe that they were the commander and captain of the 501st Rex didnât blame the dude because he couldnât prove it without Ahsokaâs help and she refused to back him up
Ahsoka finally dropped the act when the cuffs came out but she was still kinda reluctant
She did agree to take a break from that prank and she stopped doing it entirely when Obi-Wan had to bail Anakin out of jail (she bought a lot of boba for a very long time to make up for that one)
They will reference the prank occasionally by asking each other at random points in the day âDo I know you?âÂ
Like sometimes theyâll be out and Anakin will ask âHave we met before?â most of the time Ahsoka will answer âNo actually we havenâtâ (this girl is wearing his cloak heâs wearing one of her headwraps and his arm is resting on her head)Â
Sometimes Padme will make a big deal of taking Anakin and Ahsoka out to do something just the three of them
Whenever Padme and Anakin show the smallest form of affection towards each other Ahsoka makes a big deal about gagging Anakin makes a bigger deal of âevening it outâÂ
Like if he kisses Padme and Ahsoka gags heâll grab her and give her a big smooch on the forehead and then like the little shit that he is heâll whip his lips calling her greasy
She gets him back by whipping the spit off her forehead with his robes (and also backhanding him which Padme kindly ignores)
Padme will sometimes tease her too like if she grabs Anakinâs hand then sheâll link arms with Ahsoka and make a small comment like âThere now youâre evenâ
Sometimes Ahsoka will get them both back in the moments when they check on each other first sheâll make a big deal about saying âWell kriff me I guessâ even if she doesnât have a scratch on herÂ
Both Anakin and Padme will make a big deal about checking her for injuries with a couple of comments like âOh my poor little padawan you have a scratch from training last night how did you copeâ
I said in my first post that Ahsoka and Anakin have a playlist and I love the idea that they have different titles for them like âObi-Wanâs least favorite playlistâ âget ready to kick seppieâs assâ âthe council pissed me off againâ and stuff like thatÂ
Itâs all in good fun but theyâll never let anyone else see those titles because they know itâll get a good scolding from Obi-Wan
The moment Obi-Wan knew Anakin had formed an âunnecessary attachmentâ wasnât some big life-or-death moment on the battlefieldÂ
In hindsight it was a pretty funny moment that was caused by Anakinâs stupidity cause he had broken a glass earlier that day and he thought he got all the pieces so he didnât feel it was necessary to tell Ahsoka
Next thing he knows the poor togruta is gasping in pain and when he goes to check on her sheâs sitting on the kitchen floor while the mother of all glass shards is sticking out of her footÂ
Now you might be asking âHow did Anakin miss a glass shard the size of his hand?â he honestly couldnât give you an answer but he could tell you was in that moment he realized that he forgot to restock the med kit even though Ahsoka had reminded him about it earlier that day
All Obi-Wan got to see of this was a blur of Anakin holding his profusely bleeding padawan while yelling at the top of his lungs âMove sheâs bleeding out!â
No one can really blame the man for dropping everything he was doing to chase after his former padawan and they also canât blame him for assuming the worst like her being stabbed or shot
He didnât know what he was expecting when he walked into the halls of healing but it wasnât an embarrassed Anakin standing over a cackling Ahsoka as the healers scolded him for causing a scene
He makes a silent note to give Anakin a small lecture about keeping his emotions under control before checking on his giggly grand padawan
#star wars#the clone wars#star wars clone wars#star wars headcanons#anakin skywalker#ahsoka tano#obi wan kenobi#padmĂŠ amidala#captain rex#ahsoka and anakin#snips and skyguy#disaster siblings#this duo puts the universe through hell#and it's hilarious#It sucks so bad that while I was writing this I was also coming up with like angsty stuff#like bro im trying to live in denial here#but like can you imagine how hard it would hit Anakin to go back to their quarters and it's quiet for the first time in ever#or like him saying something and he stops because he knows that Ahsoka would say something like that#or when him and Padme go out and he holds her hand he kinda holds his other arm out and waits for Ahsoka to grab it and she never does#or Ahsoka's trying to fix things with Vader before fighting#like trying to use her old methods of making stuff up to Anakin but it obviously doesn't work because she's not talking to Anakin#or Ahsoka looking at the scar on her foot when she was on the run or after order 66#I make myself sad#anyways I'm gonna go cry in a corner now
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Rewatching The Return episode and I just had a thought. What if the bird that was in the episode was Mayday's spirit watching over Crosshair and then at the end when the batch was leaving the outpost for the final time and Crosshair finally got to mourn and grieve Mayday that Mayday's spirit is finally free
#im not going to stop thinking about this now#made myself cry while writing this#đđđđ#star wars#the bad batch#tbb season 3#tbb crosshair#commander mayday#tbb spoilers#tbb season 3 spoilers
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Summary: Emmet and Akari ride the Rondez-View. Ingo cooks dinner for his family.
The end!
#submas#subway boss ingo#subway boss emmet#wing au#thats the fic!#i am once again getting emotional about finishing a fic#im gonna cry#this ones prolly gonna hold a special place in my heart between it being the longest thing ive currently written and#how much happened in my life while working on it#but now its done!#still got a billion other things cooking so this wont be the last you see of my writing#but in the meantime#hope you enjoy!#tracks through the clouds
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And there he stands, Dabiâhis big brotherâ wreathed in flames every shade of blue with this strange look on his face.
His lips downturned and pressed together tightly, trembling. His furrowed brows and scrunched nose. Itâs an unfamiliar face, one that he only remembers through cracked doors. No tears fallâ they donât even form, they canâtâ but his older brother still looks like heâs holding them back.
âIâm proud of you.â
The air is heavy between them. It feels weighed down by emotions too complicated to nameâ grief, itâs griefâ and he doesnât know how to respond so he doesnât.
But itâs fine because his older brotherâ Touya-niiâ keeps talking, voice choked.
âI wish I couldâve known you.â
#lol made myself cry while writing#def an AU where Dabi goes villain solely to take down Endeavor#and all the hate he has towards his family turns into guilt for not being there#with them#the guilt of being the oldest and escaping an abusive household knowing youâre abandoning your younger siblings to the same fate#dabi todoroki#dabi#mha dabi#touya todoroki#shoto todoroki#mha#bnha#no cause Dabi first seeing Shoto in person during the camp training thing and it JUST then hitting him how much of his little brothers life-#-heâs missed. Like his baby brother is all grown up now and he missed it#the dialogue was hard and im not really happy with how the proud line is worded#but this is was written at 4am while crying so im cutting myself some slack#something is better than nothing#not idea when this confrontation is set in timeline bc I made it solely with intention to hurt
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I wanna. Pick them up in my mouth and shake 'em around like a dog obliterating a squeaky toy
#you can tag anyone you feel this way about but I was thinking about Rook hunt in particular#tbh I feel like he'd picture the same - just with Vil and Neige#he wanta his oshis to be besties (he is just lime me fr) (just a liiiittle furyher frim reality)#(I view neigexVil as nore of a crackship until we get more Neige development/lore)#(our queen Vil doesn't deserve to be genuinely shipped with someone who's kinda 2D rn.#But I respect people who flesh out neige with headcanons - they write the dynamics realy well tbh)#(hopefully we get more RSA development at some point I think that'd be cool)#(plus I'd cry if TWST just. stopped. after the last NRC OB)#(I mean it'd make sense aince that's where the story is based and it'll probably end once Yuu finds a way home#- which feels close now thanks to Ortho)#(But at the same time I. have been following this since it first came out when I was about 16 - same age as the first year squad lol)#(and I feel like it'd feel weird if we stopped getting main story updates)#(Im rambling a LOT lol - probably because I'm tipsy haha)#(hope someone can relate to my lamenting of future woes though)#(Oh well - I should atop borrowing sorrow from the future and live joyfully with the now)#(I do miss my friends who've stopped being in the fandom though - and my friends who deactivated and idk how to contact now)#(sugarandmelody... zacrazyvalentine... I miss them. but we had fun#writing and stuff. and I suppose that's what matters in the end. that we had fun.)#at least - I hope they had fun too. and I kinda hope they think about me how I think of them sometimes.#have a nice day if you're reading this. I rambled in the tags a while and I understand that it's kinda long lol.#and probably riddled with typos#I'm tearing up for some reason haha. well it is what it is#I hope each and every one of my followers know how amazing they are - I hope y'all have a wonderful day - evening - or night#I wish I could hug people across the internet lol#I should stop posting on tumblr while drinky haha#tw drunk#tw drinking#i'll tag it just in case#don't wanna cause discomfort and stuff
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finally finished orv after two years . . . what do i do with my life now
#started in junior year hs dropped it for a while then started reading again at the start of this semester and now im finally done !#dont know whether to cheer or just crumple up and start crying bc wow that was a ride#i thought the ending was tragic but then i moved on to the epilogue and oh my godd#the way kdj was crying and miserable bc he missed his companions and he wanted to be with them so Badly#but when kimcom finally Finally chase him down and come back to him theyre too late and hes already disspitated into other world lines#and after that like. whenever kdj pulls some shit and dies the next chapter always starts with an âiâ#and hes back and alive and kicking and Thinking but after that epilogue chapter there isnt a chapter in his pov theres no more âiâs and.#it just made me incredibly sad bc we dont get to see his pov ever again bc hes truly gone unless we as a reader can imagine him alive again#anyways sad things aside it is Incredibly funny that lee hyunsung just became a wanted man in the 1865th round lmaoo#+ uriel sun wukong and black flame dragon forming a band together ??? truly the most randomest thing in the epilogue#++ yoohankim need to stop beating the shit out of e/o and learn to talk their feelings out Please#+++ sooyoungâs love for dokja has me miserable o-|-< she would wait for him an eternity write for him an eternity im so sad#three times she endlessly wrote a novel for him to read three times she waited to see him for so long <//3#you bet im imagining the happiest conclusion i can for them#they WILL live happily ever after in that big house together as long as i have something to say about it!#orv
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